how i process a first impression

a reflection, not a check list 🔎

welcome to introspection ft. harsehaj! ⭐️ i’m harsehaj — always up to something in social good x tech. scroll to the end for a daily roundup on unique opportunities. :)

how i process a first impression 🔎

i like asking people what they factor in when determining if an encounter with a new person was good, and they want to continue seeing that person vs. not.

this might seem like a pretty analytical way to go about human relationships, but i’m more interested in reflecting on similar patterns in my closest relationships, rather than a mental checklist i keep while talking to a new person (that’s kind of ridiculous).

i’ve recognized 3 main traits in people i have great first encounters with. i tend to make an intentional effort to reach out to these people again, and if it isn’t reciprocated, that’s totally okay as well. i’m just not one to let go of a potentially beautiful connection. 😋

this is focused on that first interaction btw, it becomes more nuanced after that.

1) conversational ability

i love it when people are able to tell stories from their own life, ask questions to naturally keep a conversation going, and inject energy into dialogue. that’s the skill of carrying a conversation, and it’s a huge green signal for me.

2) drive / ambition / interests + bonus points if there’s overlap

all the people i hold close in my life have passion and ambition for something, and this in turn fuels my curiosity too. it doesn’t really matter what the interest is, so long as there’s a record of developed exploration and commitment in some capacity. these people tend to also have things to talk about LOL. of course, it’s an even better sign if there’s some overlap of interests (but i don’t think it’s necessary).

3) default to positive

this one is important for me. i enjoy interactions where i can tell that this human being’s mentality defaults to positivity. naturally, i’m in support of complaining over something trivial to break the ice, but if complaining about everything is standard, i don’t really want to surround myself with that energy. the state of the world is depressing enough — why increase that?

also total side-ish note, but i used to rank humour pretty high up on my first impression signals, but i no longer think that’s a necessity. in hindsight, it's a tall ask for 2 people to be immediately comfortable enough to crack jokes and truly express themselves. so, i don’t hold the expectation of “nonstop laughter” for a one-off encounter, but it’s certainly nice to have. :)

what are your signals for a lovely first impression?

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teehee,
harsehaj ✌️