my ego issues saved me

self-love with a twist 🌷

May 25, 2026

as much as my mom tries to deny it, i definitely wasn’t a pretty kid. i was made fun of mercilessly for my physical appearance, excluded from pretty much any social setting (except when it was time for the class to pick a partner for a group project, LOL), and bullied out of enjoying my favourite sport (soccer) throughout elementary and middle school.

the first time i made a real friend was in 9th grade, and they’re still my friends today.

such wonderful treatment is sure to grow into pretty miserable insecurities and self-esteem issues, right?

yes, the daily reminder that i apparently wasn’t deserving of friends and warmth because of my looks was hurtful, but my ego far outweighed the hurt. for better or worse… in this case, it was for the better.

my ego brought its own set of issues with dealing with vulnerable emotions properly, but one good thing it did do for me was prevent me from falling down the dangerously slippery slope of self-image issues.

i shrugged off my physical appearance, but there was no way in hell i was going to change something just because someone else wanted me to. it wasn’t out of confidence, but out of pure pride. i’d pluck my eyebrows or lose the baby fat if i wanted to, not because someone else thought they were right.

“i’m always right.”

obviously, i’m not. but being at the top of my class consistently and growing up in a pretty academically intense environment sure helped build that ego up. it all stayed internal, but it was an effective shield against becoming overly insecure and sensitive over how i look in the mirror.

i literally only started dabbling in makeup in the last few months out of genuine interest. any time i feel like making a change out of insecurity, it’s a natural instinct to mentally chide myself and revisit when i actually want to do that thing for myself.

i’m very grateful for this unlucky social experience during my childhood. i was pushed around so much that i stopped being moved by it and focused on the other parts of myself that have brought me much further than a perfect physical appearance ever could have.

if i’m ever asked to choose physical appearance over intelligence, empathy, or physical talent, i will always choose the latter options 100 times over.

today’s drops 🔎