unpacking affection
loving a little louder 💗
i wrote this (pretty corny) blog post 2 years ago on how i suck at affection. after a lot of growth, openness to vulnerable conversations, and love without second-guessing, i can confidently say i’m at a point with myself where i’m decently comfortable with it now.
hugs don’t feel awkward, “i love you” slips out easily when i’m on the phone with my family and best friends, and i can express my appreciation for people in ways that are more than hoping they will interpret my acts of service in this way.
i still have a long way to go, but i’m pretty proud of myself. even the fact that i cringed at that blog post is a pretty evident sign that i’ve changed. i’d say for the better.
i will attribute 60% of it to a very concrete sense of security in my relationships with people. the remaining 40% comes from a pretty active effort on my part. i still have second thoughts any time i want to express my thoughts honestly and vulnerably, but i’ve continuously made an active effort to reject its influence once i’m aware that the hesitance is happening.
i no longer feel like i’m being chased by a fire to make friends and force deep connections so i can fill some sort of gap in my life. i’m very fulfilled with the people i’m proud to love. i’ve never felt this way or this secure in my life. zero part of me feels fussed to make friends out of urgency; now it’s truly just out of my desire to get to know a cool person and see where it goes from there.
that security helps me feel comfortable with affection. it’s a ripple effect of growth.
today’s drops 🔍️
register to attend witcon for women in tech
software engineering internship @ roblox
applications for la hacks are open (april 24-26)